By Tara Woods – The Collegiate Staff
Most people don’t pay any attention to Groundhog Day. Most just think it’s another day of the year, I mean, you don’t even get off school or work so who really cares?
And so should you.
If you don’t know the legendary story of the groundhog, I’ll sum it up real nice for you. Basically, we have a magic groundhog here in the States that comes out of his burrow every Feb. 2., and if he sees his shadow, he dips back into his burrow, which means six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t, then it means early spring.
Seriously though, it’s the single greatest holiday of the year.
First of all, according to groundhog.org, Punxsutawney Phil, the OG, has been able to stay alive and give us important weather castings since the first Groundhog Day back in 1887. You know how he does that? MAGIC ELIXIR. Seriously, what other holiday celebrates a future-seeing ancient rodent that drinks magic elixir?
That’s right. None!
Secondly, Phil and his buddies that announce the prediction all speak “groundhogese.” Currently, the only people that know the language are Phil and the Inner Circle. Which brings me to my next point: THERE IS AN INNER CIRCLE.
#illuminati? I know Beyonce would want in on this.
Also, Phil is above average size for a groundhog. Most groundhogs weigh 12-15 pounds, but our pal Phil is a tank, weighing in at 20 lbs. Magic elixir has a lot of carbs. Also, groundhogs can whistle. My man Phil whistles at his homegirls when mating season begins.
In addition, groundhogs are resistant to plagues. Apparently, they are just super clean animals and tell germs to just eff-off. Insects also have no interest in groundhogs, they just come bother humans instead. We should all be more like groundhogs.
Phil resides in his burrow in Gobbler’s Knob (that one really speaks for itself), it must be a cushy life as he’s never tried to leave behind the life of a famous groundhog. Whereas other “famous” groundhogs, like Chuck from Staten Island, who was rumored to have tried to escape many times in the past. It’s just further proof that Phil is the one and only true magic groundhog.
They even made a movie with Bill Murray about Groundhog Day, called “Groundhog Day” (I know, creativity is their strong suit). Many think it may just be a typical romantic comedy, but it’s really telling us that Phil’s magic is real. Seriously.
If you’re not convinced that Groundhog Day is the best holiday, then honestly you have no taste. If you are a true believer now, you can watch the ceremony on TV at 7:25 a.m. on Friday, Feb. 2.