By Jamie Miller
Holland, Michigan, is a place known for many things. Tulips, wooden shoes… And movies? Yes, it would seem Hollywood has finally turned its eyes to the sleepy little Michigan town of Dutch origin for their next big cash grab. Oh, how I wish they hadn’t.
“Holland,” which was released on Amazon Prime on March 27, has a plot – to the point that you call it one – as it is mostly an incoherent mess revolving around Nancy Vandergroot, a seemingly bored housewife living in Holland. Nancy is a school teacher and mother whose life couldn’t be more ordinary. That is until her earring is supposedly stolen by her son’s nanny, or maybe she was the maid. Honestly, the plot makes it hard to care. But while she’s dealing with these minor issues she has somehow convinced herself her husband is having an affair…And a bunch of crazy stuff starts going down. And when I say crazy stuff, I really do mean crazy.
The film stars legendary actress Nicole Kidman known for roles in better movies such as “The Northman” and “Aquaman” who plays the part of Nancy, Gael Garcia Bernal known for starring roles in the likes of “Old” and “Werewolf by Night” stars as Dave Delgado, a fellow teacher and friend of Nancy. Matthew Macfadyen of “Succession” and “Deadpool & Wolverine” fame plays the part of Fred Vandergroot. He is Nancy’s husband, the town optometrist and model train enthusiast, and seemingly the most ordinary and, one could say, most boring man you could ever meet. Jude Hill, known for parts in “Belfast” and “A Haunting in Venice” appears as Harry Vandergroot, Nancy and Fred’s occasionally foul-mouthed son with a penchant for rap music. Lennon Parham, known for roles in the likes of “Playing House” and “Best Friend’s Forever” also appears as Gwen, Nancy’s friend.
Now, what can I say about this movie? Well, one word comes to mind…Disappointing! The trailers set you up to think that Kidman’s character is going to be tangling with a cult, only for that not to be the case at all. No, most of the movie is her trying to find evidence that her husband is having an affair while she’s having an affair with some rando.
Few of the characters are overly memorable, to the point I had to look up many of their names online. The plot is complete nonsense, with things just happening for no reason. Part of me jokingly wonders if someone working on the movie had dirt on Kidman and the other big names because how else could you explain this star-studded cast working on such a bad movie?
That being said I suppose there is some slight charm to it, much like Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room” this movie sucks so much and fails so spectacularly at being a serious piece of cinema it almost circles back around and succeeds at being a comedy film. So for that, I suppose thank you, “Holland” you gave me one heck of an interesting Thursday afternoon.
However, that being said, I can only give it two and a half torches out of 10. Entertaining for the wrong reasons and bad, and to be honest, if I had seen it in the theater I would have probably demanded my money back. If you’re looking for a good movie set in Michigan, maybe look somewhere else. “Robocop” is set in Detroit, as is “Don’t Breathe,” and both are far more competent movies with the latter being a far greater horror movie. To compare the two would be like comparing a gold watch with a tin watch scribbled with yellow sharpie…
