By Alexandria Webb
In the bustling city of Grand Rapids there is a quiet place where people can go to talk on the phone to their loved ones who have passed. This phone is located in the Oak Grove Cemetery, and this is no ordinary phone. It is a rotary dial phone that is disconnected from electricity yet connected to the wind.
The idea for the Wind Phone originated in Japan in the year of 2010, a gardener designer by the name Itaru Saski installed his disconnected rotary phone into his yard to speak to his deceased cousin. The wind phone then spread as a way people can find comfort in speaking into the phone and having the wind carry their messages to their deceased loved ones.
Grief is a tricky and difficult thing to handle, it can come in a soft breeze or a storm. In today’s culture it can be hard to deal with, especially with how busy life can be and unrealistic expectations to just get over it. Yet, the wind phone offers a comforting way to express and acknowledge grief.
“When I heard about the wind phone that originated in Japan, I just loved the idea and thought it could be a potentially helpful resource for folks in town here to be able to put their words out there and let the wind take them to where they need to be,” wrote Sarah Sun, a local tattoo artist and death care worker, in an email to the Collegiate. As a death care worker, Sun has helped families through the process of grief after losing a loved one.
Society tends to give the impression that people should just move on when dealing with grief, that grief is merely something that happens and people should get over it. Grief is much more complex than that and this rushing of emotions can leave people not knowing how to handle loss in their life. Yet, the use and story of the wind phone can offer people a way to process or work through their grief.
“I like the idea that the wind phone can be used for someone to talk about some of the things going on with them, be it a struggle that they’re having or maybe a loved one has died…I think it’s pretty powerful to put your words out there and just trust that at the very least it gets out of your head, and you’re putting your words out there with intention, maybe curiosity, maybe even anger,” Sun wrote.
There are times where people don’t really know how to process their grief or don’t know what resources there are to help. Deborah L. Ronks, the Assistant Professor/Counselor at GRCC’s Center for Counseling and Well-being reminds Grand Rapids Community College students that they have access to campus resources and offers tips on how to process grief.
“To handle grief students can connect with their social support system, engage in rituals that are important or recognize the relationship with the deceased. Journal, write a letter to the deceased, create a memory box, do something to honor the deceased, engage in a good self-care routine that includes nutrition/hydration, hygiene, exercise, sleep; be compassionate towards oneself while managing grief,” wrote Ronks in an email to the Collegiate.
People feel like they should just keep quiet about their grief, feeling as though it’s better to internalize these feelings until they go away. Hoping it just fades until it doesn’t hurt anymore, and usually that is how grief is treated.
Sun highlights the importance of talking through your grief and feelings. “Oftentimes I think we are told to hold it in or to not be a burden to other people or maybe we even fear that opening up about it will make us feel worse. And there can be moments like that but often times when something is tended to and we pay attention to it, it has its own space and breathing room. We don’t have to feel so scared to talk about it or process it anymore.”
Ronks then answers the hard question, does grief ever go away? “There is not a yes or no answer to this question. The bereaved strive for ‘integrated grief’ in which the person resumes normal daily activities and has integrated the loss into their life.”
Each person processes grief differently, each person might need to do something different than the other in order to heal or comprehend the loss. “Well, I think we all have different ways that we process our grief. And there’s no linear or right or wrong way to do so,” Sun wrote.
Demonstrating that each person may handle grief differently, Sun shares some of the ways she grieves. “I love to draw and that sort of helps me through the process, at least to unlock my brain a little bit so that I can loosen up and start letting things spill out when they need to. I also love to set up little altars around my house and at my work. Just a way for me to remember loved ones that have passed, but also just to honor my own self if I’ve gotten through something really difficult or am in the process of struggling with something.”
There is no normal way to grieve, since each person tailors it to their own needs.
“The experience with grief varies differently between individuals and there is a large range of ‘normal’, everyone grieves differently.” Ronks wrote.
A rotary dial phone sits in Oak Grove cemetery, awaiting those who seek a form of comfort and healing. The story, experience, and action of one person now helps many people find comfort and healing within their grief.
Grief is a complex issue, that doesn’t mean you have to face it alone. It is okay to grieve, it’s natural to grieve, and it is okay to explore the different healing and grieving processes.
Students who are grieving can find comfort and healing through the services provided by The Center for Counseling and Well-being.
