By Jacquelyn Zeman – Chief Web Editor
The fifth annual Grand Rapid based comedy festival, LaughFest, closed March 15 with a performance by George Lopez at DeVos Performance Hall.
Bryan Kellen, who opened for Lopez, asked the crowd if it was illegal to text and drive in Michigan. When the crowd said it was, he said this really surprised him.
“I learned this in four minutes,” Kellen said. “Everyone is looking down here … going 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. It was safer when it was legal and no one had to hide it…what should be illegal is texting and walking. You have nothing to protect you (if you get hit).”
After Kellen, Lopez took the stage, and started with a riff about what Americans are afraid of.
“This country is going through a lot of crazy (things),” Lopez said. “Are we still afraid of Ebola, or just Bill Cosby?”
Lopez went on to explain why he does not think Ebola exists.
“Mexicans didn’t get it,” Lopez said. “We always get the sh*t nobody wants.”
He explained how white women receive compliments is very different from Latino women.
“A white woman waits for a compliment,” Lopez said. “A Latina does not wait. They compliment themselves. Like they will be struggling to put Spanx on, and then struggling to put the dress on over the Spanx. Then they will walk into the living room and say ‘I knew it fit!’…You will be at dinner, then all of the sudden out of no where (she will say) ‘You have been doing better since you met me.’”
Lopez said how he does not understand why people feel a need to compliment their kids “24 hours a day.”
“From the time they wake up, you have to be like ‘good morning…you woke up awesome,’” Lopez said.
He said in his generation this would have never happened. They were only complimented when they really screwed up.
“Like if you crashed the car, the whole family was in the front yard with your Dad looking at the car (saying) ‘Beautiful, congratulations, I don’t know how you did it!” Lopez said. “You scratched both sides of the car, I am so proud. I wish I had two of you so I could go and kill one.”
Lopez said that he believes we are raising a generation of kids who are not tough enough.
“(One time) I ran away from home, and I was gone for three days. Nobody looked! I went home and told them (I was running away) again. Now when a kid goes missing the whole country goes looking for them.”
This confuses some elderly members of the Lopez family.
“My grandmother thought the ‘Amber’ alert was the same girl getting in different cars,” Lopez said. “You would be driving, and out of nowhere (you would hear it), ‘she (is) at it again…that’s the sixth car she has gotten in in 10 days.’”
Lopez said that he can’t believe the lengths that some parents will go through to please their kids.
“Now car seats have 30 buckles. No kid is that important. I’m sorry,” Lopez said. “At Disney I saw a kid crying because his chicken and bread were touching (at a restaurant). Parents, don’t give into this!”