Home Featured News Jamie’s astonishing adventure: my foray into the sunlight and outdoors

Jamie’s astonishing adventure: my foray into the sunlight and outdoors

A column straight from the unorthodox mind of Jamie Miller. Often written during the middle of the night, Miller provides reviews of TV shows and movies, books, and details life through from his perspective (artwork by Abby Haywood/The Collegiate).

By Jamie Miller – 5:57 a.m.

Why hello there “Night Lighters” it is I, “the Caledonia creature of the night,” Jamie Miller, here with yet another issue of Night Light. Now as you know these are dark times in this world, the battle for the very “soul of America” is raging between that of the old way and the new. So tonight, err this morning, I’m going to give you a nice distraction. As you know, many places are starting to reopen after the coronavirus outbreak, one of these places is my hair salon. And I had quite the adventure. So lads and lasses sit back, relax, and enjoy.

As many of you can probably attest, due to the salon closures many people have hair that is growing out of control. Mine was no different. My hair was long enough that if it was wet I could whip my hair and flick water across the room, not to mention the back was starting to come close to a mullet. It was obvious… I needed a haircut. I rose at 6 a.m., an hour before I had to. I did my daily routine of when I go out, take my pills, eat, carefully select my clothes, and by the time all of that was done it was nearly time to go… to re-enter society.

The first thing I noticed was the light, it was blinding. Brighter than Katy Perry’s taste in clothes. It took me a good four or five minutes for my eyes to adjust after having been in my black as night basement for so long. After that the drive wasn’t too bad… until I got there. Upon getting out of the car I became uber dizzy, a common thing that happens to me when I am incredibly tired. As we got to the salon early, I stumbled my way to the Admiral gas station next door. Once inside I was a bit annoyed. Of the people in there, not counting the clerk, I was the only one wearing a mask. I bought a candy bar and a Monster… my go-to emergency wake up solution. While making my purchase, I struck up a conversation with the clerk who was wearing a Deadpool anti-germ mask… gotta love Hastings. A bit later when my mom and I were told we could go in they said we didn’t have to wear masks… I brought mine in with me not wearing it at first. Until I saw this family, a mother, a father, a young boy, and a little girl, probably no older than six with Goldilocks type hair. The second I saw them I put my mask back on and kept it on. As the thought of me giving the disease to anyone let alone a child appalled me. Getting to the actual haircut, it didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would, it took about 5 minutes or so. The results were, hairy. It looked like someone shaved the hair of Goku from “Dragon Ball” all over the floor. Afterward my head felt 100 pounds lighter.

And boom I had a normal haircut again. Well, a normal haircut for me. It took my mom another three minutes to get her hair finished so I took a look around. The salon had been through extensive remodeling since I had been there from a new paint job to new signs. Even the potted plants were new. It’s amazing what you miss while locked away underground. So my lesson to y’all… get out every once and awhile or you might miss a lot. And don’t forget to wear your mask.