By Jamie Miller
Greeting Nightlighters it is I, “the habitually husky horror movie loving human” Jamie Miller here with yet another issue of Nightlight. As you know by now, I am a huge fan of horror movies. From “Scream” to “Halloween” to even the “Saw” franchise, I do enjoy a good dose of bloody good scares. However, in addition to serious sinister offerings like these, there are bizarre blood baths. How bizarre, you might ask? Well, read on.
“Society”, which was released in 1992, filmed in 1989, is a completely bonkers film, to say the least. To say the most, it’s a complete cinematic acid trip. The movie tells the tale of Bill Whitney, who is a member of an incredibly wealthy family. Whitney however has begun to feel that something is horribly amiss with his high rolling family. What follows is a plot that slowly gets more and more insane to the point that I am pretty sure Stephen King would be disturbed. The creators intended the movie to be an allegory of how the rich take advantage of the poor, feed off them if you will…. Mission accomplished I guess… The movie stars Billy Warlock, who played Eddie Kramer in three seasons of “Baywatch.”
“ThanksKilling,” which was released in 2008, is… a movie albeit barely. The movie tells the tale of a homicidal turkey named Turkey who murders a group of college kids in a very low-budget, vulgar and graphic way. Not to mention, his first victim is a topless pilgrim…… Yeah, when the kids I took high school filmmaking with made better movies than you, you’ve got problems…
“Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter ” which was released in 2001, is a very curious Canadian horror spoof movie. It portrays a resurrected Jesus Christ teaming up with what is supposed to be pro wrestler El Santo to do battle with vampires. I mean, considering El Santo’s been dead since 1984, he must have been resurrected. Yet, that’s still far from being the craziest thing about this movie. From the vampires preying on lesbians, to numerous atheists randomly jumping out of a far-too-small car to attack like some kind of less creepy group of clowns. Thank’s Canada, first you gave us this, then Justin Bieber.
“Ice Cream Man,” which was released in 1995, has a pretty self explanatory, albeit bizarre, premise. The movie stars Clint Howard who has been in numerous horror movies, including Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” remake and “The Lord’s of Salem”. Howard plays a demented ice cream man who goes on a killing spree. The movie is rather gross at times and is consistently weird, though Howard plays his part well…
“Tusk,” which was released in 2014, is unique among the other films on this list, as it has a few big names in it. Namely Justin Long, known from such movies as “Dodgeball”, and Haley Joel Osment of “The Sixth Sense” fame. It is directed by Kevin Smith, who is known from such movies as “Clerks” and “Dogma”. The movie tells the tale of Long’s character, Wallace Bryton, a podcaster who goes to talk with a demented old sea man who seeks to turn him into a …. Walrus, Mhmmmm…. God horror movies can be weird eh?
So, those were a few bizarre horror movies. Trust me. There are far more and this troubles me. I have no idea how someone can top a homicidal turkey, but I’m pretty sure someone will find a way.