Home Night Light by Jamie Miller The following review is scheduled for one fall: A review of Wrestlemania...

The following review is scheduled for one fall: A review of Wrestlemania nights one and two

A column straight from the unorthodox mind of Jamie Miller. Often written during the middle of the night, Miller provides reviews of TV shows and movies, books, and details life through from his perspective (artwork by Abby Haywood/The Collegiate).

By Jamie Miller

Hello Nightlighters, it is I “headstrong” Jamie Miller. Now friends as you know by now, I am a huge wrestling fan, I have been since I was a youngster playing the old “WWE Smackdown vs. Raw” games with my older cousin, heck when I was younger I dreamed of being a pro wrestler. I couldn’t even walk into a Home Depot and look at folding chairs, ladders or tables without imagining all sorts of hardcore wrestiling matches. And though I rarely watch anymore due to my problems with how the WWE operates, I still find time to catch “Wrestlemania” with this year being no exception and it was….. interesting.

“Wrestlemania,” which started April 2, started night one with a vignette by Mark Wahlberg to hype the fans after the seemingly endless pre show, and the first match of night one was the Uso’s defending their WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championships against the pairing of Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs. Of all the matches of the night this was one of them, completely passable with the Uso’s retaining their titles. Just a mediocre match overall I give it four torches out of 10, the fact is this is how they treat Nakamura who is a legend in Japan is just mind boggling. 

Another highlight of night one was Rey and Dominik Mysterio taking on the pairing of The Miz and professional jerk/ infamous youtuber, Logan Paul. The match was actually pretty good though it would probably be harder for Rey to have a bad match, and the fact that Paul and Miz won was annoying as it always seems that established wrestlers lose to outside celebrities. Still it was a great match, six torches out of 10. 

Another great match of the night was Bianca Belair trying to dethrone Becky Lynch for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship in a barn burner of a match. The two unleashed absolute hell on each other including a painful looking spot where Lynch slammed Belair back first onto the rings steel steps. Belair would get the win and the title at the end however. I give this match six and a half torches out of 10. If I had one complaint about the match it would be Belair’s selling of the steel step slam as after the slam she layed on the steps as the referee began his 10 count for her to get back in the ring before she would lose via countout. At the count of nine she leapt to her feet and moved back into the ring. It was goofy and over the top and not in a normal wrestling way.

Another highlight of the night was Seth Rollins wrestling a mystery opponent… That opponent would turn out to be one Cody Rhodes returning to the WWE for the first time in years, and the two would have a great match with Rhodes managing to notch the victory. This match gets six and a half torches out of 10, a great deal of the fun came from the return of Rhodes.

The match of the night however was a surprise to many. As leading up to the event Kevin Owens continuously badmouthed the state of Texas and invited famous texan wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin onto his talk show. At the show Owens would challenge Austin to an anything goes match which Austin accepted. What followed was a crazy, brutal over-the-top match which involved a lot of painful spots and weapon shots before Austin got the win with the Stone Cold Stunner. This was the match of the night by far. I give it eight torches out of 10 by far the best match of the night. 

Night two began with a far better opener as the WWE Raw Tag Team champions RK-Bro defended their titles against The Street Profits and Alpha Academy.This was a great match with all three teams getting a chance to shine before RK-Bro finally managed to eke out a win to retain their titles. Great match all in all. I give it six  and a half torches out of 10.

In an unlikely highlight of night two Johnny Knoxville of “Jackass” fame took on Sami Zayn in a hellacious anything goes match, and I mean anything goes. There were bowling balls, giant spring loaded hands, tables covered in mouse traps and a giant mouse trap. After a bonkers match with outside interference from numerous members of the “Jackass” cast, Knoxville would get the win. I give it seven torches out of 10, it was highly entertaining and a spectacle to behold. 

In another highlight of night two, Edge would take on AJ Styles in an excellent back and forth contest by two masters of their craft, and the match was phenomenal. The end finally came when after a distraction from Damien Priest, Edge hit a spear to a diving AJ Styles for the win. A great match from two legends of the industry gets seven torches out of 10 easy, and I highly recommend this match.

In another surprisingly good match former football player Pat McAfee took on Austin Theory with company owner and Theory’s storyline mentor Vince McMahon sitting ringside. The match itself was pretty decent. A good back and forth, with a highlight being McAfee who usually works as a commentator seizing one of the ringside headsets to commentate/ taunt as he was kicking the crap out of Theory. McAfee would get the win after a roll up. I give it six torches out of ten. It was a decent match. What came after, however, not so much.

 After beating Theory, McAfee would wrestle the 76-year-old McMahon in a mind boggling squash match which literally solely consisted of McAfee being jumped by Theory and after a minute of playing to the crown McMahon would pin him for the win. Shortly after this McMahon’s old rival would appear to give McMahon the single worst Stone Cold Stunner in the history of mankind. Like to the point I could probably take one better and I’m not even a wrestler. It was just a stupid match for the sake of a stupid match. So for the first time in Nightlight history I’m giving this zero torches out of 10. A single unlit torch if you will. It was just an unnecessary waste of time, likely for the sole purpose of giving McMahon one last win.

In the main event, WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns took on WWE Champion Brock Lesnar in a winner take all unification title match. This match was… semi disappointing. It wasn’t horrible like the McAfee-McMahon match, but it was not as good as it should have been. It’s so simple to book, just have the two get in the ring, slap the crap out of each other, maybe some weapon shots and call it a day. Sadly, that’s not what happened. Sure the match was decent but the match should have been far more than just decent. Not to mention WWE built it up as the most important match in “Wrestlemania” history which, spoiler alert, it wasn’t. The finish also came out of nowhere with Reigns winning. I actually had to do a double take thinking I missed something. All in all, it was just an ok match. It gets five torches out of 10.

Now as for the show overall it was… pretty good. Granted it is far from the best “Wrestlemania” of all time, but it was nowhere near the worst. All in all a solid show, it gets six torches out of 10.

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