Most people have to go through several breakups throughout their lives, and most would agree they’re not easy to do. But recently going through a breakup myself, I can say knowing how to move on afterward can be even harder. So that’s what I’d like to talk about this issue: how to move on after breaking up.
When you’re in a close relationship, the other person can overtake most of your thoughts. You think about one another almost all the time. When you’re sad, you always have someone to comfort you. When you have news, you know who to tell.
But once you break up with that person, your connection is broken, and you’re single, and this time begins to be a time of self discovery. You have to figure more out by yourself because that person you’re so used to is gone.
“A good deal of research indicates that many people experience personal growth following a break up, quite possibly by reflecting on what went wrong with the relationship,” said Pat Missad, GRCC academic adviser.
I do believe it’s good to grow and figure out who you are before committing to a relationship. When you’re with someone all the time, you grow with that person, which is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be great, but without balance, you forget about yourself. You forget to be yourself and you fully commit to making the other person happy. It’s quite possible they have done the same thing. Space is important because it gives you time to think for yourself, time to develop who you are.
As stated in my last article, it is very important when pursuing a relationship that there is a friendship beforehand. But sadly, when a break-up happens, you’re not just breaking up with someone you might still love, but someone who was a friend as well.
It is not uncommon at all for people to try and stay friends. But is it a good idea to try and stay friends? This, no one knows, as it pertains to each specific relationship. Hopefully friendships can be maintained, but if not, maybe it could happen in time.
There are positives and negatives in a pursuing a friendship after a breakup. You could just stay friends and always feel like that person is a part of your life. However, a lot of the time this just ends up with one person being led on and hurt more. By staying in someone’s life, you’re opening that person up to more pain. If a friendship is possible, that’s fantastic, but if trying to stay friends only leads to more heartache, it’s clearly the wrong path to follow.
Sometimes being friends can lead to getting back together. Once again, I feel this is dependent on the situation and can be both good and bad. There are many times that people get back together and it works. They figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. However, if people just aren’t right for each other, it might be unwise to try again. If you still love each other, you might not know how to move on alone, or you make the mistake of only recalling the good memories. This can result in jumping back into the relationship on false pretenses and having the relationship die off later, both of you wasting your time and still having to move on.
This is why I feel the importance of time, time to clear your head of emotions and give yourself the ability to look at the situation logically. Then you can step back, find what you want in life, and realize whether or not it will work with the person.
“There are no easy answers,” said Missad.
And I couldn’t agree more.